Former Flyleaf vocalist Lacey Sturm spoke to BreatheCast about her upcoming book 'The Reason: How I Discovered a Life Worth Living' and explained to us in depth about her transformation from a suicidal atheist to an on fire Christian. In this third installment of interviews, the singer discusses being a mother, her life playing out in Flyleaf's music, and stages of trials.

A large part of Sturm's book talks about her childhood, which was filled with poverty and day to day uncertainties. Her mother and siblings sometimes did not know if they would be able to eat that night. It was these early childhood experiences that toughened her up inside, and made this young girl depressed and unbalanced.

Her mother was only 16 when Sturm was born, and already had another child. She would go on to have several more children by the time she was in her mid-twenties. Being a young mother with one child is hard enough, but having five is even tougher.

When Lacey was asked about what she would do differently than her mother with her own children, the answer was easy.

"I think that I am really blessed to be able to give my kids more focused attention because a lot of my life growing up was simply trying to survive and I think I learned a lot through that," she explained, "We are super blessed in my family to actually be able to cultivate things outside of just survival. I think at the same time my upbringing also taught me a lot of compassion that I really want to pass on to both of my kids. You want your kids to have joy and appreciate things. It's a balance trying to figure out things to try to do that."

Once Sturm became a Christian and began to cultivate her own music with her new found faith, the inspiration to draw from was already there. She had a life's worth of tragedy, heartache, redemption, and purpose already.

(Photo : Flyleaf)
Flyleaf

"I think coincidentally therapeutic [Flyleaf's music]. I didn't do it for healing, but I do believe I think the ministry aspect of the music was important for my growth," she shared, "There's a lot of it I didn't like about it. I was always so nervous. I always felt nervous for people to be hanging on my words and looking at me like I was super human."

The tagline of the book is called "Revelations of a Rock Princess." This is something she put out there to not hype herself up, but to let everyone know they are royalty in God's kingdom. "The idea behind that is we are all royalty in the kingdom of heaven. To recognize what royalty is, it's a normal person with issues and struggles and decides that they are going to keep living and change the world for the better."

She continued, "I think in the end it wasn't that I needed healing, it was that I just wanted to give that part of my life for God to use in maybe a girl like me's life anywhere that he may be able to take the music. It really has encouraged me a lot and shown me over and over how God can take the worst things in our lives and turn them into glory if you let Him."

Sturm had three major times of trials in her life. The first major trial was her childhood. The second was becoming a depressed teen on the verge of suicide and a life devoid of God. The third major trial was a freak condition pregnancy which led to a cancer scare.

"I think that it's the trials that remind us just when we are dancing on the edge of death for whatever reason," she said, "It really brings us back to understanding the idea of why we are here in the first place and wanted to use our lives for good for the little time we have and understanding how to number your days. It pushes you into a wise place, but it gives you perspective that every moment counts."

Lacey said that when someone out of control is looking for stability it is then that they realize they need it the most. In her case, she needed God to right her ship.

"So much of my life was out of my control. It feels really fake to me. Whenever I think of us not having a penny, say we get into a situation where we don't have any money and we don't know when we are going to get our next meal, I feel really comfortable. I'm excited about that idea," she said, "My husband on the other hand is like, don't wish that on us because of course he didn't grow up like that. I'm not trying to wish it, but it feels more comfortable to me in the sense that it's harder to realize we are dependent on God when we have money in the bank."

She explained that living on trust and faith helps her to keep moving. In the past when she was suicidal, it did not matter to her whether she lived and died. "You are kind of on an adventure with your life because you can push the boundaries and if you we're in a place where you'd be scared to die, you wouldn't. It makes you more bold...take a risk."

"It's hard for me to have everything going well and remembering this is because of the Lord. This is because God is blessing us with peace. This is all Him," she said.

As to what Lacey is up to now, she could not reveal too much, but said new music was on the way. She is working out the details of a record contract and playing shows every now and then. She is performing with Switchfoot and continuing to work with Franklin Graham's ministry.

Read part one of the interview here where she speaks on getting ready to commit suicide.

Part two of the interview where she speaks on finding Jesus can be found here.

Read our book review here.